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Monday, January 7, 2013

Eat Yer Vitamins

A phrase I say perhaps thirty times before 8:00 a.m. is, "Eat your vitamins."  This is because my offspring leave their mini-pile next to their egg and toast pretty much daily until I say it in varying degrees with multiple accents and to the tunes of different songs.  This culminates in me saying, "Put it in your mouth or I will put it in your mouth for you."  Somewhere along this continum the small people decide to ingest their oh-so-loved vitamin friends in the shapes of bears, lions or balls.

Now - as an adult, you don't have that fantastic mommy head blabbing on reminding you that you ought to eat your vitamins.  (So sad, eh?  You could get your mum to say it and record her and it could be your tea-timer or something...just an idea.)  Or you could just do it yourself because you are so wise and lovely and responsible.

But, pray tell!  What kind of vitamins are you taking?  I would submit to you that unless your vitamins are food-based and naturally occurring, you might as well be poking your finger in your eyeballs for fun.

Is there really a difference, say you?

There REALLY is, say I.

How can you tell what's in them or where they come from?  Ready?  You're going to be shocked - read the label.

(You've never heard me say that one before, eh?  Exactly.)

And if that doesn't work, call.  Look up the company name, find a contact number and call their customer service and ask.  If they say things like, "I have no idea, um, um..." - THEY AREN'T MADE OF NATURAL THINGS.  

So you're like, what's the diff?  Who cares if it was made in a lab?  Isn't it the same thing?

Have you ever been sick from eating vitamins?  As in, you took your vitamin and within fifteen minutes you're either on the verge of vomiting or you really do barf it out.  Has that ever happened?  

Okay, so do you know why that happened?  When you get something so wiggidy-whacked in your body, the wise designer of your body made it so that it would go on auto-reject and expel it in the most efficient way possible.  In this situation, it's usually up, up and away.  If you do not expel it, you may just feel nauseous for the whole morning.  Great.

So here's the deal.  Back in the early-middleish of the last century, scientists were all gung-ho to break things down to their smallest known part and try to rebuild things in their own way.  If they could simulate things found in nature, they wouldn't really have to rely on nature (for one thing) and secondly, they could make serious boku bucks on it because they could patent it and tell everyone about their "invention" and do their own thing, making their own moolah.  I mean, you can't really patent an orange - well, unless you're in the GMO business, I guess (sickos!).

This is the history of aspirin, actually.  Dr. Bayer broke down the lowest common denominator of naturally occurring painkillers (like white willow bark) and rebuilt it, put it in a tablet and sold it as a wonderdrug.  Just think of where we'd be today without painkillers.

In the forest gnawing on tree bark, I guess.

But I digress.

The problem with lab-created things is that your body does not recognize them.  They're like a foreign language.  Es como, por ejemplo, empiezo hablar en espanol y ustedes solo comprenden el ingles - o aleman.  No saben nada de lo que digo.  Es lo mismo.  Entiendes?  Ojala que si.  Got it?  Exactly.  It's like bouncing off of your forehead and not going in.  Y si me entienden, pues, es como algo en svenska - jag alskar dej saa mycket, min bastis kompis!  Du ar saa popular.  Jag ar fran fiskafaren.  And that doesn't even make sense in that language.  (Except to you, bastis!)

Your body does the same thing.  It basically says, "WHAT THE CRAP IS THAT??" and barfs it out.  Or, in the case of water-soluble vitamins, it just gets urinated out.  This is exactly what you need: expensive pee.  Maybe it would help your garden, now that I think about it.  Just be sure to "water" your garden with it if you'd like to go that route.

But in the case that you are not interested in becoming a human fertilizer machine, maybe you ought to rethink what vitamins you're consuming.

I would recommend one that even had a bit of a probiotic in it.  They help get all that flora and fauna (?) sorted out in your intestinal tract so you don't have problems (let me tell you, you ought not be troubled in that area - you can cause serious problems for yourself if you do).  The probiotic helps give you a balance with your...elimination of used-up resources.  Ahem.

I like the Garden of Life brand, personally.  They have both food-sourced (and naturally occurring) vitamins and minerals combined with a probiotic.  They have vitamins specifically made for women, men and children - seniors, pregnant women, the whole nine.  I'm not paid to say this about their company (or any other I talk about) nor do I receive benefits from doing so, I'm just pointing you to an example that has helped me personally. (But it would be SO COOL if they did.  Hey - Garden of Life - send me free vitamins!!  Raw One for Women, please.  Thanks.)

I also take something that will TOTALLY sick you out - desiccated liver.  Oh, how delicious thou art, you desiccated liver, you.  I don't eat organ meats - I don't really have a good source for them (yet...I guess), but they are SO valuable to you and to your health.  So I take it in dried up tablet form.  Yummy.  If you let it melt (on accident) because you're swallowing it with your hot tea in the morning, you're going to have a mouthful of beef taste.  Oh, wow, beef taste in the morning.  What could be better?  If you're a regular consumer of liver, then, well, you really don't have to do my lame way.  But if you haven't served up some liver to you and yours lately, you might want to research the benefits of doing so.  (Or take the cheating way out and do what I do.)

Besides that, I will sometimes take a swig of cod liver oil.  You can get some serious Vitamin D and A in those puppies.  Fishies.  Whatever.

Now that's just me - you've got to find out what you may be lacking.  If you are craving things, maybe your body is telling you what you need.  I read that if you crave chocolate, you are lacking in magnesium.  Apparently our society needs a mega-dose of magnesium?  Totally possible.

Anyway, a safe bet is likely a multi-vitamin designed for you at your stage of life.  I know that if you buy whole-food based vitamins, they're going to cost more than lab-created ones, but as the lab-created ones are speaking to your body in a foreign language and don't do you any good (except for make your pee very fancy - on the plus  side for your garden), you might want to take something that your body can actually USE.  

Genius, I know.

Peace, love and just put it in your mouth already!
Ms. Daisy  

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