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Friday, May 31, 2013

Biotics Research Corporation: on the bad list

You may remember a post a bit ago about my hubby being radiated (from a doctor-prescribed x-ray) and then had his blood taken and then was "diagnosed" with low thyroid function (What causes low thyroid function?  Radiation.  Thanks, doc.  Awesome.  I develop more and more faith every day in the medical community.).

So one of the main things that people have when they have issues with low thyroid function is levels that are too low in proper iodine and selenium.  The food-based selenium was a no-brainer, but I didn't want to mess with iodine levels (so I let my naturopath do that instead).  She prescribed a product from Biotics Research Corporation called "Liquid Iodine Forte".  Hubby started taking it, I didn't really look at it at the time he got it, but about two weeks later, I did look at it and did my usual reading of the ingredients.

What I found was EXTREMELY disturbing.

So I called the company.  

I was transferred to a customer service representative.

Me: Hi, I have a question about one of your products.  I have Liquid Iodine Forte here and the last two ingredients, which I'm supposing are being used as preservatives, are citric acid and sodium benzoate.  When these two are combined, they cause a chemical reaction changing the sodium benzoate to benzene, which is a known carcinogen.

Helpful Customer Service Rep: I still don't hear a question.

Me: (Wow.  Okay.)  Since this product was purchased through a naturopath, I am supposing that you promote your product as something that is good for you and helpful.  So, a question.  Do you think having a known carcinogen in one of your products is a good idea?  How do you justify that?

Helpful Customer Service Rep:  I'm not a scientist.  The scientists in the lab must have  a good reason for putting it in there.

Me:  Even though it's a carcinogen.  Okay.

Helpful Customer Service Rep:  So you're saying you have a concern about this?

Me: Yes, you could say that.

Helpful Customer Service Rep:  Well, you should talk to the person who sold it to you and they can tell you more about it.

Me:  (Smiling and squinting my eyes) Yes, okaaay, great, thanks for your help (NOT!).  Sounds like a good idea (false).  [Grab product and throw it in the garbage.]  Good bye!

So, as you can see, I was not exactly impressed with their customer service or their attempt at answering questions.  Nor am I really impressed with their product quality or their apparent lab skillz.  So if you ever happen to have to take some iodine, I recommend SKIPPING THEM.

Anyway, have a non-carcinogenic weekend and I'll catch ya on the flip side.

Peace, love and maybe you can fix your thyroid without swapping in some cancer,
Ms. Daisy

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Pink Eye, Conjunctivitis, Eye Goop and Getting Rid of It

Since yesterday was a holiday AND we were having people over, it only stands to reason that my offspring woke up with pinkeye in the morning.

This was bound to happen.  My offspring are very good at timing their illnesses to times when even if you wanted to put a call in to the doctor or nurse, they're not going to be there and your only option is to go to the emergency room (since it's the only thing open) and pay you know, like $599.00 for fifteen minutes and then $47.50 for the meds.

Now compound this with the fact that people are expected over and you have a perfect storm just waiting to happen.  In fact, one year we DARED to host Thanksgiving at our house and we found out the day before that our dog had just acquired FLEAS.  FLEAS! (Have I mentioned to you before NOT TO GET A DOG?  Why aren't you listening?)  We threw the dog outside, sprayed it with everything and anything we could find, fumigated the house, opened all the windows, vacuumed and/or burned everything in sight and boiled what couldn't be burned or vacuumed.  This was a very lovely time and such a dear memory.

Anyway, back to the pinkeye.  Really, I should have been expecting SOMETHING.  Well, here was the something.

What to do?

I must admit something here.  The other offspring was prone to conjunctivitis as an itty bitty and I had stored waaaaay in the back of the cupboard some of those old eye drops they give you for lovely situations like this.  But the most recent one was um...well...let's say four years old.  I wasn't too sure of the effectiveness and in the second place, I was wondering what the heck was in that stuff anyway.  But I was DESPERATE!  DESPERATE I SAY!  So on this holiday morning, I dropped two drops of these mystery eye drops into my child's eyeball.  Then I kind of felt bad.  

I do not have any breastmilk on hand (if you're ever in this situation, and you've got some, yes, it seriously works), so I did what I usually do.  I ran over to my Herbal Medicine for Children book to see what they had to say.  They had blends and tinctures and concoctions but none of these things I had on hand, so I had to go to the health food store.  I thought, well, if I stuck poison into this goopy eyeball, I will fix it up by getting some good stuff and not use the poison eyeball drops anymore, I promise.  (Oh the tangled webs of reason devised in the minds of humanity!)

So off to my favorite health food store, the store where they all know everything about everything and if they don't, they'll find out for you.  I wandered up to a nice older lady and asked her what she might recommend for eye goo junk.  She asked what specifically I meant and I had to offer up the shameful "pink eye" (rhymes with stink eye).

I was thinking she'd take me over to the eyeball section and pass off some eyebright tincture or something, but ALAS, NO!  I was wrong!  Without a hesitation, she emphatically said, "Silver!"


She brings me to this other section of stuff.  She hands me this thing called Sovereign Silver (it's a teeny glass bottle and it has a spray top).  She says it is an antibiotic spray and will kill anything.  Woah.  Word.  I have heard of it.  I will try it.

Yes, yes, I know that silver (or any heavy metals) in above the limit amounts will kill you from toxifying your body.  Don't freak.  I am on it.

I take it home and give the little eyeball a squirt or two and have my patient blink repeatedly until I say stop.  We repeat this fun every 3-4 hours.  Child wakes up this morning and the eye looks half as red and had no goop upon waking.  One section of it has returned almost completely to normal.

Dude.  Crazysauce.  You can also use it on cuts (like instead of hydrogen peroxide).  I am a little cautious and wouldn't use it every time anything came up, although it says you can ("According to the EPA - CASRN 7440-22-4 - daily oral silver reference dose applied to 10 ppm, one may ingest 178,850 servings safely over 70 years.").  The dosage is anywhere from once daily to seven times daily depending on your purpose so I figure my one squirt in the eyeball 4 times a day for two or three days will be okay.

Anyway, thought you might like to hear there are other options out there.

Peace, love and destroy the eye goop!
Ms. Daisy

Friday, May 24, 2013

What's the deal with safflower oil?

Not gonna lie here, I was a little surprised by this one.

So, okay, safflower oil.  It's all the rage, right?  You already know of the horrors of canola (con-ola) oil, but what's the deal with safflower?  Sounds pretty innocent.  Right?  Isn't it?  OH PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME THERE IS SOMETHING OUT THERE THAT IS OKAY TO EAT!

Yeaaaah, well, put safflower oil down into the "probs not" category.

So, this all started when my mother-in-law called me from the store.  The conversation started out with, "You are always telling me that pretty much every oil is straight up poison, I'm in the store, I have safflower oil in my hand, is it okay or is it poison too?"  (You may or may not be surprised that these kinds of calls are somewhat a regular occurence in my house - not from her only, but from whole bunches of people, actually.)  I'm the poison siren.  It's an unofficial job title, but that doesn't mean I'm not above going out to make myself a cool looking plastic name tag about it.

But I digress.  Yes, the poison.  Or not.  Which one?

I have to admit, I had to do a quick run over to look it up.  It was not something I had studied extensively.  But here's what I found out:

1.  Safflower oil is a polyunsaturated oil.  Because of this, it is highly reactive and form free radicals when exposed to heat or oxygen (don't know how you're going to get around THAT one).  And I don't have to tell you that free radicals are wild cards, known to be the cause of heart disease and cancer.  Mmm, lemme think about that, no thanks, don't want those.

2.  Safflower oil has a high concentration of omega-6's.  When your body goes out of balance with omega-6, researchers have found that you're destined for adult-onset diabetes.  (Want more on that one?  Research the Ottobonis report.)

3.  Safflower oil has a high positive association to women developing breast cancer.  A Swedish (Sweeeeedish - Emelie) study tracked 61,500 women from the ages of 40-76 over four years and found those who consumed high levels of polyunsaturated fats (that's what safflower oil is), had a higher risk of breast cancer.  (No pink ribbons on those bottles, eh!)

4.  Safflowers and safflower oil is UNSAFE during PREGNANCY.  In itty bitty print, I found something that said it could "contribute to fetal death" and pregnant and nursing women should not consume it as it's flower is POISONOUS.  Don't you think you should perhaps PUT THAT ON THE LABEL?  People MIGHT want to know that.  

5.  Safflower oil may contribute to hyperthermia - where the temperature of your body raises above appropriate norms and you may have a medical emergency.  I didn't find that on the bottle, either.

6.  Cooking with safflower oil can lead to severe chest pain and heart problems.

7.  Thrombocytopenia - safflower oil is a blood thinner and reduces your platelets.

8.  Liver complications.  If your liver is already messed up, this oil messes it up more.

9.  It also enhances (great word) bleeding disorders.  If you've got an ulcer or another bleeding disorder, you'll want to avoid this puppy.  

10.  Safflower is in the daisy/ragweed/marigold/chrysanthemum family.  If you're allergic to any of those, avoid safflower, too.

So actually, there are more reasons, but I wanted to just pop up the ten I thought were pretty much the most dramatic and wild to point out that unfortunately, it really ISN'T as benign as we thought it to be.  But it sounds so PRETTY!  Argh.

I asked her what application she was planning on using an oil for, she said she was looking for something to bake with.  I asked her if she was opposed to using coconut oil or butter.  She was irritated because those are not liquids and it's easier to use a liquid oil for baking.

Coconut oil is a liquid above 76 degrees F, so if you want to use it in liquid form, it takes about eleven seconds in a warm pot to get there.  Butter doesn't take much longer.

I know that it is a bit more of a step for you to heat up butter, lard or coconut oil to get it to liquid, but I don't want any of you to have to suffer through heart disease, cancer, or any of those other wild possibilities listed above.  Sometimes what is easy is not always good.  Sometimes what is good is not always easy.  Be the advocate for your own health and do what ought to be done.

Better than baking up heart disease and cancer.

Peace, love and just another reason to give your butter a big kiss,
Ms. Daisy

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Death of a Scoby

Oh, the shame!

Do you know what horrible atrocity I have committed?  This is embarassing and dreadful.  My dear friends, I have...I have...killed a scoby.  Actually, a whole pile of them.

Let me explain how this horrible-ness happened.

So let's say maybe four months ago I was kombucha-ing in every direction, resulting in myriads of kombucha amounts.  I was running out of glass jars in which to contain it all.  This is somewhat problematic as I might have a slight problem obsessing over acquiring glass jars, bottles, etc.  Mason jars are a weakness.  And I was running out.  This conflicts strongly with my desire to live simply,  to be completely decluttered at all times and in general as I am employed as an organizational consultant.  (Let me just air out all the dirty laundry at once.)

So, obviously, I needed to stop.  Stop making more kombucha when we weren't drinking it at the pace my gigantic 3 1-gallon jugs were making it.  I decided to pause shop.  Keep some kombucha in those gallon containers with their sweet little scobies, and then also the giant pile of scobies in the scoby hotel.  I decided to come back to it when we began even making a dent in the kombucha supply.

We finally got down to just a bit left and I felt like it was time to start up a bit more.  I clambered up to get my scobies in their kombucha-filled jars, when, DEAR ME OH MY, NO, OH PLEASE, SAY IT ISN'T SOOOOO!!!!  But yes, it was so.

I pulled down two of my jars and saw, stuck on the bottom of the glass, a dried up brown sticky, plastic-y, hard as a rock, dead scoby.  Neglect!  Neglect!  Dreaded! The horrors!

Quick.  Run.  Go get the scoby hotel.  

Oh gosh.  No.


(I guess I may have left these guys go for a

All those scobies, dead.  At my hand.  From neglect!  

Please, my dearies, learn.  I cry out to you, LEARN!  You shall not follow my example in this - nay, learn what not to do and learn from these mistakes.  Several scobies lay dead, may this not ever happen to you and your scobies.

Check on them.  Give them kombucha.  Speak to them, name them.  Let them flourish and multiply.

Luckily, I had one jar that had so much kombucha in it that it didn't dry out.  I was able to make a couple new batches.  And now, I have learned.  May you never have to go through this painful experience.

It did suit my "simplify" attitude as now I only have about three scobies (instead of like the 300 I had before).  So, yeah.  The bright side?

Peace, love and love thy scoby,
Ms. Daisy

Monday, May 20, 2013

Make Your Own: Facial Cleanser!

As you may know, I make my own deodorant (using the "Not A Secret" deodorant recipe over at Crunchy Betty.).  It's not difficult and I like that I know what's going on my armpits and travelling up to my lymph nodes (not aluminum).  I use arrowroot powder instead of cornstarch and modify the essential oils, but it is the basic recipe.

But, wonder of wonders, did you know that you can make an amazing astringent cleanser out of TWO, yes, TWO (!) simple ingredients!?  This is so easy that you will give yourself the good ol' head slap of Why Didn't I Do This Before.

Ladies and gentlemens (that word is so much funnier when its improperly plural!), I submit to you the difficult way to make your own facial cleanser.  Are you ready for this?  Hold on tight.

Get witch hazel.  Pour it into your bottle of choice.  Get dried thyme leaves.  Pour them in.  Shake it up.  Leave it for a while if you can.  A long while if you want.  It will turn a golden-y color, perhaps a little tan-ish.  Strain out the thyme leaves (I pour it over a coffee filter into a  glass measuring cup), well, that is, unless you LIKE smearing brownish bits of leaves onto your face and having them stick there.  

Schlop your golden creation onto a cotton (organic?) blob of your choice and slather your face with your new liquid wonder.

Don't you look amazing already!?

Thyme, as you may know, has anti-inflammatory properties, so if you've got some killer zits, you can work on the old shrink-o-la.  Witch hazel is a wonderful cleanser, but don't drink it.  Obvs.  

And that, my dears, is how to make a very simple, a very cost-effective (read: cheap), very natural facial cleanser.  Don't wipe those poisons on your face from your expensive cleanser, do your own thang and watch it work the magic.

Wanna give it a try?  You so should.

Peace, love and go wash your face,
Ms. Daisy

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Just do it, and right now, por favor.

Do you ever feel like things are falling to shambled pieces all around you?  Do you ever look around your house and as your eyes fall upon one thing to the next, each view is a reminder of a chore you need to get done?

I was speaking to one of my organizational consultation clients about this very subject recently.  Here's what I think - I've often said that the people who seem to be the most organized really have a secret laziness.  I know this doesn't seem to be possible, but let me explain.

People who are very organized are guardians of their future investment, specifically in the area of time.  Here's an example: let's just call this person Sean.  Sean walks into his house and takes his shoes off (he doesn't want to get mud on his kitchen floor), he walks immediately over to the closet to hang up his coat (instead of putting it on the banister at the bottom of the stairs or throwing it over the back of a chair), and puts his keys on the key hook and cell phone in its designated place.  He stands over the garbage can and pitches all of the junk mail, opens the bills and puts them on his desk (where he will pay them later at the time he has designated each week to do so), marks the invitation to the fishing tournament on his calendar and off he goes.  This really isn't a big deal, right?  He's not really taking up a lot of time, just a couple minutes (if that).  Good job, Sean.  You guys should see his garage!

Contrast that with someone we'll call Ms. Piggy.  Ms. Piggy walks into her house, drops her purse on the floor next to the door, throws her coat on the couch, dumps her pile of mail onto the kitchen table and off she goes (with her dirty shoes) to find her lost skirt that she totally wanted to wear out tonight, but she has no idea where she put it AND she is in a rush because she's supposed to meet her friends in 45 minutes but she didn't plan any dinner (and she is totally starving and they're all going out for drinks, so really she should have something, but whatEVER, she's got to get that skirt).

But oh crudsicles, Ms. Piggy took 43 minutes to find her lost skirt and then on the way out she realizes she can't find her keys that she must have put somewhere when she came in in a rush, oh CRUD!  WHY?  WHY?!  WHYYYYYYY!?  Now she's late, she has had no food and she's going to spend ten more minutes trying to find her keys.  Great.

Fast-forward to future, Ms. Piggy has collected a lovely pile of mail on her kitchen table (which she now cannot eat off of because it is so covered in myriads of junk) and she has to toss a few jackets to and fro off of the couch to find the right one (and a place to sit).  

Here's the point: In order for Sean to have his stuff cleaned up, he will need to take about zero minutes to do it.  In order for Ms. Piggy to de-piggify, she basically just ate her entire Sunday afternoon.  Sean was protective of his future time by using thirty seconds of what he has now to save himself several hours later.  Ms. Piggy blew her time now by spending her future time.

Every single thing you do to save your time now is putting it in the bank for later.  Time is just like money.  Little by little makes a difference.  You don't know what you'll have for time later, so don't swipe it like an impulse with your credit card.

My mantra: if you can do it in 30 seconds, don't wait.  Just do it.  You will spare your future self time, possibly money and multiple piles of stress.

Anyway, just a thought.  Whaddya think?

Peace, love and just do it - now,
Ms. Daisy

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Fun with Thyroids

My hubby went to his physician for an annual physical a couple weeks ago (he’s the sort who likes to do that kind of thing whereas I’m the type who would prefer to secretly die of something without knowing anything about it), even though he totally has “white-coat” syndrome and gets stressed out about the thought of possibly having something wrong.  He was having some discomfort in his lower back so they ordered an x-ray.  As a regular practice, they also did some blood work.  This office advertises the attitude that they want to take the whole person into consideration.


They ordered his x-ray first and then due to certain circumstances, he had his blood test the following day (or perhaps it was the second day).  The x-ray came back as no problems, but the blood test came back as having a high TSH level which is the signal that your thyroid is functioning at a low level.  This (obviously) freaked him out even more.

They told him he would need to start taking medication.

He asked them (good boy) if there was a natural remedy – could he exercise more to improve it, eat differently, do anything to help?  Their response?  “No.  The only thing you can do is meds.”


Well, poor sot, he’s married to me so that answer isn’t going to cut it whatsoever.  I began researching about the thyroid and what things affect it.  When I found out what the main issues are that cause low thyroid, I pretty much began freaking out.

Are you ready for this?

Do you know what are the main things that can cause a person to have a low thyroid? 

Let’s begin with the biggest one.  It’s radiation (in the form of x-rays, etc.).


Way to think whole person, Dr. Dumbdumb.  Did you seriously order an x-ray and then have blood work done?  REALLY?

Secondly, stress.  Good thing my husband wasn’t having complete and total anxiety over going  to the doctor at all.  Yeaaaah.

Also, if you’ve got low iodine levels or low selenium, you run the risk of a low-functioning thyroid.  Another factor is having a high toxin level (which is something the naturopath tested my hubby for a few months ago and he did have an increased level of toxins).

This is also in conjunction with a new “scale” of what is a good TSH level.  A couple years ago, you could have a TSH level of up to about 5.  This year the highest within the range of normal is 3.0.  (And yes, some people are saying those levels are still too high, but there sure are a lot of things going on here.)  One more thing, lack of Vitamin D (hello, winter in the Midwest, that does not actually exist).

So let’s get this straight.  Your thyroid can get wiggidy-wacked if you have a high level of stress, have been irradiated, have higher levels of toxins within your body and have low iodine, selenium and Vitamin D. 

Let’s just go through that checklist there for the hubby and check every single one off. 

So it was no wonder that his levels were coming back above the 3.0 mark.  I told him to go play outside in the newly shining Vitamin D, bought him some food-based selenium, sent him off for a check to the naturopath who gave him the appropriate level of iodine supplementation.  Guess what?  His energy levels have returned and the created problem is beginning to resolve itself.  He'll get his blood retested in a month or so to verify numbers.

If you’ve got a problem with your thyroid or anything else in your body, you should figure out what the system is doing, what will encourage it or damage it, what the auxiliary systems are to that problem system and seek to resolve it through researching those things.  The problem is that many physicians do not have time to go that in depth with a patient.  You have to be a medical doctor combined with a detective and it is much simpler to get your easy kickback from a section of Big Pharma and make people think you’ve solved their problem by passing them their favorite colored pill.


The disturbing part is that if I were not the crazy ol’ lady that I am, my hubby would have been on thyroid hormones without a second thought.  Why would that be problematic?  Because your thyroid will continue to produce less and less as you artificially give it more until you have a zero-functioning thyroid.  Let’s think about where we’re going before we run down that road.

Anyway, just a very up close and personal reminder that you are responsible for your body and even though your doctor cares about you, they just may be used to doing it the traditional way that includes pharmaceuticals when you may be able to completely fix a situation by going to the source from a different direction.

Think about it.  Do your research.

Peace, love and think outside the pill,
Ms. Daisy

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Just a Quick Laugh, a.k.a. Test Your Incontinence

Even though I mostly write about topics that horrify myself (rats, GMO's, canola oil), today I've got one that made me laugh so hard I was laughing after I had seen it in wild uproarious obnoxious guffaws.

Perhaps you've already seen those kid movies that are called Kid Snippets?  They get a couple of kids together to tell a story (these are like 4 year-olds) and then adults act them out with the kids voices dubbed over the top of them.  THEY ARE HILARIOUS.  Just the very pauses and mess-ups kids say make it entertaining to watch an adult stare off into space or be uber dramatic.

There are many full of hilarity, but the one I saw that I liked the most was about two females.  One was getting married but nervous and the friend was trying to comfort her and console her fears.

Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Wedding Jitters by Kid Snippets.

Peace, love and don't be a derp,
Ms. Daisy

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Ear (infection?) ache, no more

I've heard about this from myriads of people but never experienced it for myself.  Yesterday I got to see it up close and personal and wow, yep, people were right.  What on God's green earth am I talking about, you wonder in squinted eyeball bewilderment?  

(Don't roll your eyes just yet, listen first, my uber-traditional-ers.)

It is the use of chiropractic methods to fix up a good old fashioned ear ache (perhaps infection, but I didn't get it tested to check).  This wasn't my ear infection, this was the ear ache (infection?) of my already loud and dramatic child.  Oh, and joy of all joys, the offspring just got louder and louder as we progressed into more pain and deafness until I'm sure even the neighbors couldn't take it anymore.

Background: offspring picked up some germsicles at a class on Tuesday, started sniffling, being boogery and slobbery by Friday and by Monday morning was at scream at the top of the lungs stage for pain in the orejas (ears).  The dramatic falls to the floor were great character work, but the pain was clearly there (as demonstrated by allowing scarves to be tied round the head in order to keep a hot salt pack in place to temporarily alleviate pain, if possible.  I can assure you beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no way this child would have gone with this idea outside of torture level pain.).

So I made an appointment JUST TO SEE.  I had seen some crazier things work through naturopathy and chiropractic, so why not give it at least a try?  I used to hear about other people doing  that kind of thing and I'd be all, "Oh, that's interesting (mumbling: but I totally would never do that, weirdos, why don't you just go to the doctor and go get some antibiotics, duh.)."  

Apparrently I've crossed on over to the weirdo side.  Ah, you already knew that.


So we get in there and said offspring is all crunchy necked up, not able to turn very much to the side and the DC does her magic little clicker thing a few times and off we go.  After a few clicker-ma-jiggers, offspring has returned to a full range of motion.  Doctor says, well, now it can drain.  Should feel better soon.

Now maybe you have a fantastic doctor who calls you the evening after your appointment to check in and see how everything is going, but I never had that until I started going to the DC's office (that's Doctor of Chiropractic).  She called to check up to see how the little was doing and told me to call if there wasn't improvement by tomorrow.

That's expecting pretty fast results.  Word.

The morning came.  I cautiously asked little offspring the status.  The child being who they are said, "When I poke my finger in hard and yawn then it hurts again, but otherwise my ears stopped hurting."  

Great.  Let's go with don't poke your finger hard into your ear while yawning and you should be all set.  I mean, I'm not a doctor or anything, so don't quote me on it, but I just have this funny feeling that might not be the best way to go about things in the ear canal.

I asked after lunch and got the report back from Ear Poker that the pain was totally gone.

Wow.  That's kinda cool, isn't it?  

So all this to say, hey, if you've got a good naturopath or chiropractor in your area, maybe you should check them out and give them a chance before running off to your local pill distribution center (I ain't hatin' on my doctor peeps, just encouraging you to think outside the bun, don't get it twisted, ya'll.).

Three cheers for a much quieter house!  Hip hip!

Peace, love and get your finger out of your ear,
Ms. Daisy

Monday, May 6, 2013

For the Love of Edging

As I mentioned in my last post, spring has sprung here in the fabulous midwest.  I began my celebrations by hanging the laundry out on the whirly (as I do it, I find it is even more wonderful if you pretend you are June Cleaver - picture yourself in an amazing dress and heels, of course).  Yesterday completed the commencement ceremony of spring with the blessed first time of bringing out my favorite power tool of all time - the edger.

Please tell me you have an edger.



You do get excused from having an edger if you live on a farm, though.  Not quite sure you may have enough cement to edge grass away from, so you get a pass, especially because you are a farmer and farmers are AWESOME.

If you are a regular ol' suburb or city-dweller, you get no pass.  You get your booty over to your favorite lawn and garden store and get yourself one of those fantastic machines.  And if you've got yours hiding in your garage or shed, WHAT IN THE HECK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!

The satisfaction of dislodging the piles of dirt that have naughtily slid themselves over throughout the winter (due to much snowy precipitation and general mischeviousness) is so great and amazing the first time through that it is almost as amazing as lets say, dandy popping (the physical removal of dandelions by that one hand tool that has a stick thingy that looks like a snake tongue at the end, I don't know it's real name, I just call it a dandy popper.), or watching in horrorful fascination some weird youtube video of a dude getting a one inch chunk of ear wax yanked out of his ear (yeah, totally just gave you a glimpse into the weirdness here), or  peeling large amounts of nail polish off at once like it used to when you were five years old  (did you think I was going to say peeling skin?  Well, I didn't.  Not this time, anyway.).  It's THAT kind of good.  Perhaps you just crossed it off of your list inherently because you totally just thought I lost my mind in making the previous comparisions, but I implore you to substitute in your own great and grand concoctions of imagination instead.  You won't be disappointed.

Once, a long time ago, I thought that I might design my own t-shirt that I would wear while edging.  It would say "You Can Do It, Too" on the front and then have an icon of an edger on the back.  I thought it would inspire neighbors to do their own.  Soon, our neighborhood would be a natural beauty neighborhood filled with edged lawns.  People would come from miles around - nay, distant countries - to see what life could be like living in edged perfection, not a blade of grass nastily hanging over the side mixing with cement territory anywhere, not very unlike that utterly horrifying bit of hair that hangs over some men's ears that makes you want to run at them with scissors to alleviate them from their disgusting ailment.

(You can imagine with all these ideas of perfection what I think of people who color outside of the lines!  Sick!)

So please, for the love of all that is decent, if you're one of those people with the six inches of soil hanging over the border of your sidewalk/driveway, please do something.  Immediately.  Drastically.  Bring it into perfection with the best invention sinced unsliced bread, (yes, I said "unsliced") the beloved perfecterizer, the edger.

And now, to go stare at the lines it made in the dirt because it brings me such joy.

Peace, love and keep it in line,
Ms. Daisy

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Randoms, vol. IV

Thing 1: Spring.  All four minutes of it.

This week was the first time it felt like spring...well, actually, in the midwest, we have this great thing where we go from straight up snowing to 87 degrees in like two days.  Spring is a four minute interval somewhere on May 1 and then off we go to delicious and lovely warm weather.

And how did I celebrate such loveliness?  By hanging my clothes out on the whirly, of course!  You DO know what a whirly is, don't you?  If you don't, you may have heard of it by this really lame Americanized label: "umbrella style clothes line" or something of the sort.  My English friend told me the proper name (whirly) and it is OBVIOUSLY so much better than "umbrella style clothes line".  Get some creativity, namer people!

Here is a post about my whirly.  You so should get one.  You need it.  Your life will be better.  Promise.

Thing 2:  Diastasis Recti.  A.K.A. The ripping apart of stomach muscles.

They had other pictures but I was covering my mouth and screaming while
looking at them they were grossing me out so much.  A drawing is much nicer.

So this is fun.  It seems that this at least has a creative name.  Except for the part "recti" which seems like a plural of another word that you don't want to talk about, but I digress.  This has to do with the stomach muscles.  During one of my pregnancies about a zillion years ago, I developed this great condition.  My stomach muscles separated and tore apart.  This is not very helpful.  I can't think of anyone who really just wants their fascia (connective tissue) as the only thing between their skin and their organs.

You can tell if you've got it because you get this ridge-like bulge between your stomach muscles, which I'm guessing is just all of your guts squishing out.  But if you want to be all official about it, what you do is this: lie down on your back and put your knees up.  Put your fingers on your belly button.  Lift your head only about an inch off of the ground.  Put it back down.  Repeat.  Can you feel any opening in the middle of your muscles?  If so, how many fingers can you stick in it?  Now move 3 inches upwards and try it again.  Then check 3 inches below your belly button with the same test.  You also want to test how deep you can wiggle your fingers down in there, but personally, I get so grossed out that it's not stopping and I'm going to start feeling my bumpy wiggly intestines that I stop before I even get there.

Fascinating, eh?  I figured out I had something wrong when after I had that baby I resumed my usual stomach exercises (crunches, etc.) with opposite results.  I pretty much looked like I was 5 months pregnant after doing stomach exercises and I decided this was obviously stupid and the total opposite of what I wanted to happen.  I did other excercise to get my bulging stomach to go down that had nothing to do with my stomach (running, swimming), and after several years I was happy to see that 6-pack again.

Now I am in another pregnancy (surprise! - for you and me) and it is starting all over again.  I found this lady who specifically works with pregnant ladies and their fantastic diastasis recti.  She uses physical therapy and a splint to help repair it with reportedly good results.  I get my splint on Monday, so I'll let you know how it goes.  The dangers of not repairing the diastasis recti in pregnancy is that your uterus tips forward so much that your baby (even while large - like 38 weeks) can move about freely and go into a breech position (hello my history) and then you have to get a c-section (which to me is worse than death, dismemberment and torture). 

If you've had (or have) this condition, have you done anything to fix it?  When did you realize you had it?

Alrighty, me hearties.  Have a lovely weekend and I'll catch ya on the flip side.

Peace, love and keep the organs on the inside,
Ms. Daisy