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Monday, May 6, 2013

For the Love of Edging

As I mentioned in my last post, spring has sprung here in the fabulous midwest.  I began my celebrations by hanging the laundry out on the whirly (as I do it, I find it is even more wonderful if you pretend you are June Cleaver - picture yourself in an amazing dress and heels, of course).  Yesterday completed the commencement ceremony of spring with the blessed first time of bringing out my favorite power tool of all time - the edger.

Please tell me you have an edger.



You do get excused from having an edger if you live on a farm, though.  Not quite sure you may have enough cement to edge grass away from, so you get a pass, especially because you are a farmer and farmers are AWESOME.

If you are a regular ol' suburb or city-dweller, you get no pass.  You get your booty over to your favorite lawn and garden store and get yourself one of those fantastic machines.  And if you've got yours hiding in your garage or shed, WHAT IN THE HECK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!

The satisfaction of dislodging the piles of dirt that have naughtily slid themselves over throughout the winter (due to much snowy precipitation and general mischeviousness) is so great and amazing the first time through that it is almost as amazing as lets say, dandy popping (the physical removal of dandelions by that one hand tool that has a stick thingy that looks like a snake tongue at the end, I don't know it's real name, I just call it a dandy popper.), or watching in horrorful fascination some weird youtube video of a dude getting a one inch chunk of ear wax yanked out of his ear (yeah, totally just gave you a glimpse into the weirdness here), or  peeling large amounts of nail polish off at once like it used to when you were five years old  (did you think I was going to say peeling skin?  Well, I didn't.  Not this time, anyway.).  It's THAT kind of good.  Perhaps you just crossed it off of your list inherently because you totally just thought I lost my mind in making the previous comparisions, but I implore you to substitute in your own great and grand concoctions of imagination instead.  You won't be disappointed.

Once, a long time ago, I thought that I might design my own t-shirt that I would wear while edging.  It would say "You Can Do It, Too" on the front and then have an icon of an edger on the back.  I thought it would inspire neighbors to do their own.  Soon, our neighborhood would be a natural beauty neighborhood filled with edged lawns.  People would come from miles around - nay, distant countries - to see what life could be like living in edged perfection, not a blade of grass nastily hanging over the side mixing with cement territory anywhere, not very unlike that utterly horrifying bit of hair that hangs over some men's ears that makes you want to run at them with scissors to alleviate them from their disgusting ailment.

(You can imagine with all these ideas of perfection what I think of people who color outside of the lines!  Sick!)

So please, for the love of all that is decent, if you're one of those people with the six inches of soil hanging over the border of your sidewalk/driveway, please do something.  Immediately.  Drastically.  Bring it into perfection with the best invention sinced unsliced bread, (yes, I said "unsliced") the beloved perfecterizer, the edger.

And now, to go stare at the lines it made in the dirt because it brings me such joy.

Peace, love and keep it in line,
Ms. Daisy

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