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Wednesday, November 7, 2012

A Concise List of Pet Peeves

Today I shall share my mini-list of pet peeves.  I'm not sure why this might be important to you, but perhaps you can concur on a few, although I somewhat doubt the likelihood of such things.  (Feel free to reply with your own in the comments section below.)

I will do this countdown style...because anyone worth their salt does it that way and I figured I'd jump on a bandwagon for once (That reminds me of Pet Peeve #4: People who jump on bandwagons).

Pet Peeve #3: Improper grammar/hideous spelling/misuse of homonyms

This only applies to native speakers of English, by the way (Ah, precis, min bästis från Sverige - nej.  Tampoco mi gente de países hispanohablantes - no te preocupes, si me perdonas mi uso del español, todo está bien.  ¡Abrazos!) .  If you are going to go out of your way to learn English (when it is not your first language), any errors you make are filed under "cute" (jag älskar fiskafären och chocklad och moder äv Therése.  Puss, jag saknar dej.  Did I just miss a double dot there?  Sorry!) or "hilarious" in my mind instead of "idiotic" and "hideous".  If you'd like to peruse my thought on the lack of foreign languages spoken in America, you can find it right here.

One easy offender is when people misuse the proper spelling and usage of there/their/they're.  Why this is hard, I am not sure.  One of them ends in a vowel, the other in a consonant and the other has a freakin' apostrophe.  How is it hard to distinguish?  I'm not quite sure.  I was reading a forwarded email that my hubby sent to me about liberal thought (or something) and beneath one of the pictures it had something like "they're thought".  They are thought?  How does that make sense?   If someone is unsure about the proper usage, they ought to go on over and visit the useful, popular, and heroic Grammar Girl!  Beneath those adorable glasses and ponytail is concealed a cape - a crime-fighting (okay, no, fine, not crime, but you get the idea) mind, saving the masses from their own self-created horrors.  Thank you, and glory hallelujah.

Enough there, and now -

Pet Peeve #2: People who put their license plate stickers in the wrong location

In the freezing state that I live in (that's state like a province, not state as in my status of being), it is required that you put your license plate month sticker in the top right hand corner of the plate.  I am not sure if people who don't abide by this rule are doing it to express their creativity (by putting it sequential ones in the four corners plus the middle - incidentally, this is the #1 way to make me scream while driving), or if they are purposeful rule breakers (what rebels!), or if they are just plain ignorant that there is a proper and prescribed location for it.  Any way you slice it, I do not approve.  I sometimes take pictures of their license plates with my phone in an effort to make a collection of stupidity so I can reflect on it at a later time, delving into the various shades of horrification for my torture and simultaneous amusement.  It's like my own personal version of the people of Walmart.

And now, drum roll please -

Pet Peeve #1: Stores and businesses who leave their neon open signs on when they are CLEARLY NOT OPEN

It's 5:00 a.m. and I'm on my way to the gym.  Insurance company - really?  Are you REALLY open right now?  That's great because you have all of your lights off.  Except for one.  Your NEON OPEN SIGN.  Oh, that's cool, you catering company, you're open too, eh?  DOUBT IT.  What is wrong with you!?

This right here, folks, is an example of the wrinkle on the dress shirt of society.

Something obviously must be done.

I propose a plan.  If anyone wants to join me in my heroic and important fight, please do so! 

One fine day I am going to drive around at the wee hours of the morning with a gigantic stack of papers.  This pile will contain pieces of paper with just one gigantic word on them, namely the black and emboldened word "NOT".  In my peeve-mobile, I shall also have some tape, nice and sticky like.  I will go to those offenders and clear up their false advertising by a simple paper posted sign above their neon lies.  And I will feel better!  And maybe they'll learn to turn off the c'mon-right-in-now-cuz-we're-obviously-open neon sign as they turn off the other lights and lock the door for the evening.  If not, I'll be back - tape, cape and peeve-mobile at the ready.

And society will be saved.

Until that perfect day, I remain -
Ms. Daisy

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