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Thursday, June 27, 2013

Scary House Searching Adventures

Perhaps you have had the oh-so-good-fortune of being someone on the adventure for searching for a new house.  If you haven't, well, let me just tell you - you are missing out.  (Kinda.  Not.)

This takes the word "adventure" to a new level.

So we would love to move away from our ghetto in the hood and live where I can walk around leading a cow to pasture while I yell at the offspring  to stop chasing the chickens.  This would be lovely.

We expressed this interest to our realtor who had to work hard to stay in budget, but who finally called us up with something.  It was a lovely lot of five acres, right in the area we'd love to be in.  

We made an appointment and happened to show up a couple minutes before the realtor did, so we walked around the property and around the outside of the house to get a feel for it.  It would need a desperate amount of work, but it had very charming aspects - for example, a greenhouse built onto the side of the house.  Wow.  Totally love that.  My hubby walks into the backyard and it is so gigantic spacious humungous that he starts gleefully commenting how he's going to be able to hunt this property.  

The realtor pulls up and we start our adventure (she literally calls it this), up to the lockbox we go.  On the front door is posted a sign of eviction from the bank.  This property has stood vacant for a very long time.

So it is a bit peculiar to me that when we enter the house that I see, in the corner of a completely empty room, a quilted pillow and small blanket curled up in the corner.  I say, "Is someone sleeping here or something?" in a half-joking, half-weirded out way.

The realtor assures us that it's fine and that there are a lot of strange things left behind when people are evicted.  

Strange is a total understatement.

We walk around the corner to the kitchen and look at the counter.  This is getting weirder.  On the counter is a box of framed pictures of close ups from the 1970's - these may have been a girl's high school pictures or something.  Weird.  I look to the right and see...a golf putter (?!).  What the heck!

As I notice this, the realtor turns and in the other corner of the kitchen, we see what was once a pantry and the doors have been removed.  There is an enormous piece of ceiling (maybe 8'x8') hanging downward as if little trolls were using it for a slide and it is covered completely (more than a foot deep) with asbestos.  She says, "Oh!  It's asbestos!  Let's get out of here.  This house is not the house for you!"

We hadn't seen any of the rest of the house, and I really wasn't that interested in wasting my time, but I did want to at least peek down the hallway that had the bedrooms just to satisfy my curiosity.  

Everyone else was standing at the door, ready to exit and I quickly just walked over to the hallway entrance to peek my head around the corner.  The hallway had a room at the end of it and doors along the sides of it, so I could only see what was visible from the open door at the end of the hallway.  

Do you know what I saw?  Do you have any idea what creepmonster thing was there?! I looked to the opening of that bedroom door and inside of it was a hospital bed.  Um, getting weirded out.  My eye scanned the bed.  There was a messy pile of quilt on the bed.  There was a messy pile of quilt that resembled the shape of a body.

I said, "You guys, there's a hospital bed in here."

The realtor nearly squeaked out, "Oh gosh, get out of here!"

We quickly ran out of the door, locked it and got into the cars.

Our vehicles were in a circle drive - hers was facing the front of the house, ours was facing the road.  We are all seated in the car when we see her motioning wildly with her arms and with a panicked look on her face.  Hubby rolls down the window.

"There's a man in there looking out the window at us!!" she screams.

We didn't have to be told twice to get the heck out of there - neither did the realtor as we watched her black luxury car kick an enormous amount of gravel behind her as her fancy tires spun out, spitting wild showers of gravel in every direction.

Child 1: "I am NEVER EVER EVER going in another house again!  I'm going to have nightmares for years!"

Fan-freakin-tastic.  Especially considering this was the first house we've seen.

It's gonna be a wild ride, folks.

In case you're wondering, we didn't put an offer on it.

Peace, love and hang on tight!
Ms. Daisy

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