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Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Rant: Volume 5 (?)

Hello and welcome to yet another rant.  I'll be your host, Ms. Daisy, and we'll get started right away.  Please have a seat and make yourself comfortable.

Let's begin.

1.  Hoochie mamas.  I live in a place where hoochie mamas live.  These hoochie mamas are like 13 years old and they are totally sketch.  They walk up and down the street (well, sidewalk, but dude, they probably will be walking the streets in a few years) in their mini-skirts with their booty hanging out and yelling inappropriate things that you would start screaming "la la la la lalalaa!!!" if you heard it coming out of your idiot box TV in front of your children.  Then high school boys leap on their hoochie-ness and compound the inappropriate-ness by tenfold and exponentially soar it to never before seen heights.

I love my neighborhood.  I may prefer the rats after all.

2.  When someone dies in your family, this is the response that you DON'T want to hear: At least you have ______________________.

Really?  REALLY?  Who in their right mind thought this would be a good comforting comment?  Let's try it.  Let's say your parents just died.  Let's pick the correct response.

Response A: I'm so sorry.  Please let me know how I can help you.
Response B: I'm so sorry to hear that.  What day would you like me to come over and bring you a meal?
Response C:  Well, at least your brother is still alive.

What the stinky bungholes!!  When you don't know what to say, either just say "sorry" or shut your mouth and give the person a hug.  

Yeah.  Can you try to remember that for next time?

Okay, good.

I feel better already.  Phew.  Thanks.

Peace, love and inhale, exhale,
Ms. Daisy

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