Search it!

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Hair = A Salad. Naturally.

Yes, folks.  I said your hair is a salad.  Let me explain.

I know.  Sometimes I say wacky things, but the title isn't to make you want to eat your hair (oh, so gross.  Do you remember kids who would do that in elementary school?  They'd suck on their hair?  I'm GAGGING just thinking about it.).


The correlation is simple.  Your hair wants you to put some dressing on it.  Same as your mesclun mix with some delicious paper thin radish slices and fenugreek sprouts...mmm..I want a carrot.  

Dressing?  Yes.  Of course.  Don't be silly.

Let me explain how I came to this astute conclusion.

As you may (unfortunately) know, last May I did a very crazy and unwise thing.  I attempted to get my hair blondified.  Why?  Because, duh.  Blonde hair is AWESOME, that's why.  I don't really think of it that way so much anymore.  I should have listened to my hippie self that went on spouting about chemicals and toxic death painted on my head, but I was so SAD!  Sad with that brown hair.

I used to get highlights and people described me as one who had blonde hair.  Then I swore off all that bad hair crap and let it all grow out until it was all brown and boring.  It did have a little bit of auburn in in, so it wasn't a flat color, but it was just so ...brown.  People would say to me, "Oh!  Your hair is so...dark!"  Yeah, tell me about it.

So in a fit of spontaneous will one night, I looked up organic hair color.  I determined that I would find a place that would do organic blonde on me.  This would solve my dilemma!  I would be able to have blonde hair without dreadful carcinogens and toxic death going into my scalp pores directly to my brains!  Perfect!

Yeah.  So I did it.  I went in with silky brown hair and came out looking like Ronald McDonald with a serious accent on the orange and afro style.  Except even HOTTER since when everything was failing, Mr. Hair Man decided to try to "save" it by adding in bleached highlights (so much for organic, eh?), so it would be more accurately described as an orange afro with yellow stripes.  Too bad it wasn't Halloween.  The whole tiger outfit was all ready to go.

After a little suggested that I shave my head and a little bit of hysteria, my friend saved my FREAKIN LIFE.  Now this whole thing is bad enough, but my dears, I had to go to a wedding two days hence from the whole horrid situation.  This is not a wedding I could have showed up wearing a cowboy hat, a baseball hat, a bandana or a head scarf.  I was either going to get the mop fixed or borrow my friend's wig.

Frantic ended when my sweet friend paid for me to look like a human again.  Maybe some of you are not as horridly vain as I am, but when I looked like a frizz clown, I just could not stand it.  It was shocking at every mirrored surface.  When I woke up in the morning and sat up in bed, I would look over at the mirror and jump back and my brain would say, "Who in the heck is THAT?!"  It was disturbing as it repeatedly went back to orange, no matter what I did.

All this to say, I got 6 (count them, 6) processes done on my hair in 24 hours.  (2 all over dyes, 1 highlight, 3 toners)  My hair was what you may call slightly unhappy.  A week or two later, I tried to dye it back brown.  It went back to orange.  I tried walnut husks.  It went back orange.  Coffee.  It did nothing.  Orange, orange, orange.  Finally, some hendigo worked.  Mostly.

Oh!  And I swim, as you know!  So let's add some chlorine to that pile.  (Do not tell me anything about chlorine.  I know.  But I ain't givin' it up.)  My hair looked and felt like plastic Barbie hair.  When it was wet it was dry.

I read that this was because my hair's cuticle (um, okay) was open and I likely had split ends.  So I read up on how to close your hair's cuticle (isn't that weird.  You hair's cuticle.  It's like nail time.).  The most common thing that I read (after reading the pH levels of hair, etc.) was that I ought to use apple cider vinegar.

Are you thinking what I thought?  Well, check.  Did you just say, "OH GROSS!"?  Cuz I did initially.  Actually, I thought, "Weird dirty hippies!

But as you can now understand, I am quite desperate and will pretty much try anything to fix this hair, and since it was in the cupboard, heck, why not.  I followed Crunchy Betty's  advice (boil 4 cups of water, add dried rosemary and some apple cider vinegar, cool down, dump on head - at least that's my version anyway).   

My darlings, this is a good thing.  Yes, you do smell like a bit of a vinegar head for a moment while it is wet, but it does go away.  It also brings your hair back to a good pH.  This means you don't look quite as much like a frizz head.  

Last week I added more drama to my hair by redoing the hendigo.  Now hendigo is total rock star, unless you have previously orange and bleached that case, your bleached stripes will just turn a nice awesome mud green.  I think it really sets off the orange stripes next to it nicely, though.  People say, "You don't have green hair!"  And then I show them.  Then they say, "Oh.  Well, um, I mean, uh, well, it will grow out."  


T-minus two years and counting.  

Have you been tempted lately to dye your hair?  Let me be a lesson to yas!  If, however, you want to give your hair a helper, give it some rosemary infused apple cider vinegar.  I also have infused olive oil and rosemary to tame it.  My twinge of green makes for a very lovely salad head anyway, so get that dressing going.  


Peace, love, and radishes do sound really good right now, 
Ms. Daisy

No comments:

Post a Comment