Repeat after me: I promise I will NEVER EVER GET A DOG.
Why the angst? Let's begin with the stench that is permeating my bedroom at present. I'd say it smells something like a bath of cat urine combined with sour diseased feet. Yumsters. That, my friends, is the smell of a dog with EPI (a dog who has a disease wherein they don't have any pancreatic acids and you have to digest their food for them).
The dog isn't even IN THE ROOM. She's put the stench into the carpet.
For the last four hours I have been on my hands and knees forcefully scrubbing and convulsing over the carpet trying to get it out. I have tried many things. Many, many things.
Do you know what my husband says? He says HE CAN'T EVEN SMELL IT.
I couldn't fall asleep a few days ago because it was so bad. Dude. He's like a mosquito that got used to jungle DEET or something.
It is not humanly possibly NOT to smell it. I HATE bad smells. More than most people, even. It is some kind of whimpery torture for me to go through.
As you know, I can't just go and burn filthy candles or spray essential oils all over the world to try to cover it up. (I tried. Not the candle thing. I'm tired of painting.) That just makes essential oil flavored diseased feet cat urine smell fill the room. And that, if you can believe it, is worse than the original putrid vomiticious odor.
I began by pouring vinegar all over the place. That works at about 90%. Basically, you trade in the scent of barftastic for vinegar. Yes, vinegar is sour, but I would stick my nose over a vinegar bottle all day long rather than get a whiff of that dog odor. So I tried to scrub it out with some vinegar. The stench returned.
Then I tried various essential oils. This was the point that I realized that even though essential oils are great, they do not smell great when combined with vinegar and dog stench. In fact, it is pretty much guaranteed an instant gag reflex. Lemon, rosemary, mint, even grapefruit filled the air. For ten seconds. Then the stench returned to tango with the essential oils.
Then I poured rubbing alcohol all over the carpet. This did work well. It pretty much just burned out my sense of smell for an hour or two.
I found a Crunchy Betty recipe for a carpet cleaner that I thought I would try for the heck of it since I was scrubbing away with so many things on the carpet anyway. Her carpet cleaning recipe is this: 1/4 cup vinegar (hello again), 1/4 cup borax, 1/4 cup coarse salt. Mix together, dump on carpet, scrub like a maniac. Let dry, vacuum up, wash carpet with towels.
It actually works really well. Except now I was even more disturbed because my black dog has left many dog oil marks everywhere she has laid and I decided to go all neurotic on it and scrub the bedroom frenetically.
In my cleaning tornado I decided it would be a great idea to get nearly boiling water and mix it with Trader Joe's lavender dish soap on top of the Crunchy Betty carpet cleaner idea.
I have no more clean towels in the house but I do have a neck cramp. And a bit cleaner of a carpet.
But if I suck in really hard and sniff, I can still smell the lingering stench of diseased feet cat pee.
I'm still waiting for you to come pick her up.
I'll pay you.
Peace, love and I wonder if I should have just went with a hardwood floor in here...
I CAN STILL SMELL IT!!!!!