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Sunday, September 2, 2012

Random Nancy Perkins

This is about to be random.  Yeah, you're like, +ahem+, you're always random.  Yep, I know.  It may be even random-er.

1.  Essential oils are flammable.  Very.  And you'd think they were, you know, what - with that word "oil" in there and everything.  So when you add them to let's say, a tea light candle, just for see if it will smell up the place - the answer is yes, it will smell the place up like burnt smoking soot and on-fire oil.  In case you wanted to experiment to see what would happen, let me recommend to you that you not do it.  Stick them straight into the warmer thingy thing with the tea light underneath.  Works way better - if that whole pleasant smell is what you're after.

2.  I went to a large gathering today.  I saw one of the best grammatical errors there in a long time.  It was GREAT.  Well meaning people were labeling (which I totally appreciate, by the way) containers to tell you what kind of drink was in there.  This very sweet person wrote these two:

"Kool Aid"  and  "Lemon Aid"

Which I was really thankful for, I had a whole bunch of lemons in the car, all hurting and in need of special aid.  I was wondering what was in there, perhaps bandages, little zesters in case of special operative emergency situations (like if a lemon surgeon needed to see what was going on below the pith), maybe some ice for bruises or whatever.  I didn't look inside, though.  I guess I like my suffering lemons too much to peek inside the special party kit for them.

3.  Please do not tell me what is in Bon Ami (the powdery cleaner).  I know it is vintage, it's probably some radioactive fallout or something, but it works GREAT.  It does not contain bleach (so what IS it?!  no, no, not really - DO NOT TELL ME) but I am serious, I think it is the magic ingredient in the Magic Erasers.  I put some of that wild stuff on a wash cloth and that stuff whitened up my dirty, disgusting walls, the floor boards, the door, plenty of things.  I was just telling my hubster how discouraged I was.  You see, we used to have a clean house.  I mean sparkling, eat off of the floors clean.  Almost eat out of the toilet clean.  Now we have a dog who believes it is her inherent right - nay! duty! - to proliferate herself in any possible way, mostly via shedding an amount of fur that would make any thinking person wonder if she believed in reincarnation and was trying to do that herself.  I am pretty sure she sheds a ball of hair that could be shaped into another entire dog daily.  Anyway, I was all sad, picking up hair, scrubbing floors, scrubbing walls, dusting, wistfully thinking back to the good-ole-days, asking why was it never so perfectly clean as it used to be?  And then as I scrubbed the gray film off of the walls and floor boards, I knew why.  BECAUSE IT WAS VERY VERY DIRTY IN HERE, mostly due to a nasty, pancreatic acid-lacking ratty dog.  (Don't worry, I only wax disdainful toward said pet when I am cleaning the house or cleaning her and her cage due to a large amount of dog poo slathered all over herself and it, for example: today.)

4.  Bentonite clay made into a facial mix for your zits, while fun, elicits many responses from family members.  Stuff like, "What is that stuff on your head?", "Do you know you have weird stuff on your head?", "You have some weird junk on your head.", "When are you going to take that weird stuff off of your head?", "What in the world is that weird junk stuck to your head?" and finally, "Can I touch it?"

5.  Last one.  Back to the large gathering.  The party was coming to a close.  A thoughtful, well-educated, pensive man commented, "Is there anything sadder than a deflated bouncy house?"  I answered, "Um, I dunno, maybe a dead clown?"  I'm pretty sure they're going to take up some sort of collection for me to go to a professional psychotherapist.

See, told ya it was random.  ;)  And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.  (Don't you like it when people spell it "programme"?  It's so fancy!)

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