Okay, so. I live in a neighborhood where peeps are trying to get the heck out. In that effort, some people just leave. Pack up and go find somewhere else. This leaves a pile of empty and foreclosed homes. Now let me tell you who loves this: not me. But rats, oh baby, rats dig this. Which, I'm pretty sure, makes this place even more appealing. It really does(N'T!!). But if you are a rat family looking to build a home, this is the perfect place. You can get yourself a 3 bedroom fix-er-upper for no money down! Well, anyway.
In an effort to keep the people population greater than the rat population, the local government has put safeguards into place (because they are trying to avoid the Guiness book for Rat City, USA). One of these safeguards is that all peeps with firewood must dispose of it immediately. Like yesterday. Like unless you like rat-a-tat-tats nibbling out posh apartment buildings with their cheese-chompers. I was a bit bummed to lose firewood, but the thought of rats singing the theme song to the Jeffersons in my backyard made me feel even worse so I had to come up with the disposal plan. I would really like to chip it up, get some lovely mulch, so let's explore that. The local handy dandy hardware store will be oh-so-generous and allow me to rent a chipper for around $200 (don't forget the insurance and tax - oooowwwwww!!!! My leg!!!! Wait, why do they require insurance again?). Perhaps no. Maybe some tree service peeps will be strolling this way with a chipper and want to do me a flavor (yes, I said flavor) and chipper it upper. They'll get back to me on that (a la don't call us, we'll call you).
Then it happened. The cheapness thought struck. Burn baby, burn! So around somewhere in the middle of the morning, I began celebrating the end of summer with a bonfire. And rat apartment nation negation began. It ended sometime over twelve hours later, a hunk of ratty wood here, a hunk of ratty wood there. I woke up this morning and tossed the paper garbage in that empty fire pit and viola! The fire woke up again and started burning. Might as well toss on another log. Or two. Or fifteen.
I am pretty sure the energy output I've got going on over here could pretty much fuel El Salvador for a month. In the winter. Where its...88 degrees every...day...nevermind...
I meant fuel all of Alaska. For 12 minutes. In the summer. If only I had a tube that could send all of this energy that way. Oh well. One can have lofty goals, now, eh?
For me, for now, I shall sit here, relaxin' with my tower-o-flame and ponder the important things of life with a glass of kombucha, for example, how did early people discover fire in the first place? Why do rats multiply faster than anything? Why does that neighbor's dog weigh 200 pounds? What subset of the populace could I get to like rats singing the Jefferson's theme song enough that I could make money on it? All very ponderous man, really ponderous.
I remain, yours truly - peace, love and kombucha,
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