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Wednesday, November 4, 2015

The Hilarious Canadian News

I don't know how you feel about Canada.  Perhaps you feel the same way you do about Canada as you do for Switzerland.  They're just one of those nice countries that doesn't bother the other ones, and even though they are socialists and have universal health care and are generally unarmed, most of the people are considerably more alert and better educated than your average run-of-the-mill type in the United States.

I love to listen to CBC Radio 2 on the way home from swimming in the morning to hear their news, because any propaganda being barfed out on an American station is so insanely slanted and idiotic that I just end up gagging and yelling at the radio, and really - who wants to start their day off like that?  Not me.  So on with the Canadian station it is.

Their national news is about one billion gallons less narcissistic than the American news, and that is grand (Oh wait, there are other countries out there?!  Pish posh, don't be silly, of course there are.  And they are only important as long as they have a direct effect upon us.  Duh.  Talk about those only.  And do it from the perspective of how they probably should work a little harder to benefit us.).  I appreciate that Canadian aspect, but what I really tune in for is the entertainment of their local news.

I live in a place that if I tuned in to local news, it would be the news of Detroit.  Do you know what that looks like?  I just checked.  It looks like this: police officer's trial begins today for beating a motorist in their car, rape kits arrive in Detroit, apartments burn on Detroit's west side, man found dead of strangulation after a fire, woman won't be charged in son's fatal shooting, and cameras capture thief breaking in to gas station.  I am not even keeding.  Those are the headlines for today.  They're pretty much the same everyday, give or take a few rapes and murders.


In Windsor, across the river, we have a different kind of news going on.  It is refreshing and hilarious.

On CBC Radio 2, there is a lovely Englishman, Pete Morey, who subs in for Tom Power when he's out - and everyone likes to listen to a good English accent in the morning, so that's a win.  On the local news, you've got my favorite news person, Peter Dock (he's local to Windsor).  I have no idea what he looks like, but I imagine him to be very serious.  You should hear his voice.  He is so somber, matter-of-fact, and direct, I can barely stand it.  He is my favorite.  He seems so serious that I imagine myself meeting him, sprinting up to him with the most gleeful face, grabbing onto his shoulders and jumping up and down in front of him, gushing that he is my FAVORITE news person in the world.  If I had to guess, I think this would embarrass him, mostly from the overabundance of emotion I would be showing at that point, especially considering his apparent penchant for being excessively reserved.  That right there would make me even happier.  Stir it up?  YES, PLEASE!
What I am about to tell you is not a joke.  This was REALLY ON THE NEWS.  Peter Dock actually reported this this morning.  When he did, I erupted into laughter in the car so vivaciously that even I was amused at myself.

After they reported a building fire, Peter Dock came out with the stunning news that nearly ran me right off of the road.  Please, be seated before you read this.

It went something like this: "A teacher in LaSalle distributed a spelling sheet that included American spellings.  The word 'color' was spelled without the 'u', and the sheet also asked the students what state they lived in (said with much disdain).  The superintendent was notified and has corrected the teacher."

I love you, Canada.  This is the funniest news I have ever heard in my life.  It's sure a heck of a lot better than rape kits and being strangled and burnt to death.

Rock on.

Peace, love, and please do not pronounce Quebec with a "kw" sound (it's "ke-beck"),
Ms. Daisy

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